Homage

Trigger

I am writing this with a heavy heart while I wait to hear news of whether another survivor who is begging for help is ok, I really fear the worst and wish I could have done more for them so this place wasn't reached.

I have the utmost respect for all survivors. The path we walk is one filled with so much pain. Unbearable, devestating, pain.

When I started to deal with the abuse I had gone through and all the implications of what it meant to me, to my life, to the people around me I endured what felt like insurmountable pain.

I felt like I had been run through by an articulated truck and my entire being was nothing but a raw, gaping, bleeding hole. I was heavily sedated on anti depressants and all I could manage each day was to put one foot in front of the other.

I felt raw and pain.

I felt like I was ripped to shreds.

I felt like I was bleeding out.

I never want anyone to feel like that and I don't know how I managed to survive.

Today I got myself a tattoo, I have never been a tattoo person, it just isn't my thing. It's not that I don't like them, I just don't feel either way about them. I never thought I would get one.

I was inspired though, by the tattoo of another survivor, it was simple, beautiful and full of meaning. So today, whilst I'm waiting to hear if they are ok, I got the tattoo.

The tattooist said I'd regret it, my colleagues made innuendos about it but it speaks mountains and worlds to me.

It is an homage to every survivor, those who are no longer here, gone but never forgotten, those who are still here, fighting the fight every day, even when they feel beyond weary and those survivors yet to face this.

To you all, you are the bravest people to walk this earth, you'll never realise how special you are.

"Strength"